As we begin 2010, I am thinking about how it seems like just yesterday that we celebrated the new millennium! Remember how so many different schools of fanatics talked about the world ending? I remember waking up in the morning with a feeling of relief that January 1, 2000 started with a sunrise like any other day.
Since then, my life has taken a far different turn than I could have ever anticipated and yet here I sit in eager anticipation of the coming year.
In my reflection, I can't help but ask myself so many questions: Where has the time gone? Are you making the most of it? What if you were told you had a year to live? How would you live it differently than you do now? Would you take full advantage of the year like Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture) and leave your legacy and footprint on the planet? Would you take the time as Richard did to answer the question: If you had an hour to live and could make one phone call, who would it be to, what would you say? Why are you waiting?
Through awareness we can keep our mortality close to remind us to live more fully awake. Yet we must also acknowledge that life, no matter how prepared you are, can always throw you a curve ball. I love that old Yiddish proverb "We plan, God Laughs." The best we can do is set our intentions and then... let go, let God. It is wise to stay present to the fact that the one thing we can count on with one hundred percent certainty is constant transformation. Life is always changing from one moment to the next and is never the same; each moment that passes cannot be captured. Even our memory filters our past through the smokescreen of our own personal psychology, which is usually a house of mirrors fashioned by our ego to alter reality to fit into a story.
I recently had a dream that I had walked very confidently and unknowingly onto the scaffolding of a building. I got to the end of the building and then realized that I was looking down 150 feet and was standing on the ledge. Peering down I became afraid, and was somewhat amused that I had arrived in this place unconsciously. It was going to be more difficult going back the way I came because of my fear. I turned around and behind me there was a small door. I opened it to see a long silver shoot -- a tunnel, and I thought, "If I put my arms up over my head and slide straight down, then this would be safer."
This route, however, would take me to an unknown destination and that seemed almost more frightening. (I woke myself up and reminded myself this was just a dream, so I didnt have to choose.)
When we are going through a period of transformation, it feels very much like we are sitting on a ledge looking down. It can be filled with so much uncertainty and fear because of the unknown. What if you were told to trust the situation and take the free fall... that when you hit the ground you would be safe and discover your life's purpose?
I know you're thinking: Yeh, but who would I trust that much?
When Richard died three years ago from a pulmonary embolism on the descent of a flight at thirty thousand feet, life threw me a curve ball and I began a free fall. In October before he died, Richard turned to me and said: "Kris, you know what I love most about the human spirit?" I said: "What honey?" He looked at me to make sure I was listening: "I love that there are people that take their greatest tragedy and allow it to move them forward, giving their lives greater meaning." Just three months later, upon his own transformation through death, I was pushed to the edge of what felt like a thirty thousand foot drop and his words washed over me with the clarity of what later seemed to me to be well intended instructions.
While I could see that these circumstances surrounding my loss could destroy me, my only real choice was to surrender to the unknown and live life like every year could be my last one. I allowed my pain to open me to transformation. I trusted that life and love would lead me somewhere, and eventually, I was led to a doorway of acceptance that revealed a new life. I welcome the blessings that come my way, and I have also learned the value in embracing suffering too.
This year of 2010 brings me to the ground safely to live more awake and alive than ever before.
Blessings as you fall into 2010!
Treasure the gifts of Life and Love,
Kris Carlson
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As we begin 2010, I am thinking about how it seems like just yesterday that we celebrated the new millennium! Remember how so many different schools of fanatics talked about the world ending? I remember waking up in the morning with a feeling of relief that January 1, 2000 started with a sunrise like any other day. 
